"Metamorphosis" by Rain

A story from my friend Rain aka Elizabeth Villanueva; her youtube channel is
neonHEARTSbitches

"this is roughly edited and corrected i hate spellcheck so i didnt use it haha ::)

its just a bit less gfoggy yu can send it to anybody now :) ooh just warn them im in sixth grade and its chalkfull of typoes :)

In an instant all the threads of my life where unfolded and weaved into a tapestry of disappointment regret depression the very thought of what I knew what was in store for me made me sick left a bad taste in my mouth a knot in my stomach and a sadistic chill up my spine. I was stripped of my happiness my future everything ever good to happen to me dissolved and evaporated into clouds of past foggy memories. And was left was a bitter empty shell of a human that I was forced to call myself .I laid there lifeless eying the mosaic sky watching the clouds dance and marble the purple pinks and blues knowing it would be the last thing I would ever find beautiful in this world the last thought I had, had that wasn't saturated in what was happening to me.



When they where finished I gathered myself it was if they tore me into little pieces like they dehumanized me I was no longer a person but a needless object like the toys you gather over your childhood and dispose of when you no longer find them entertaining but just a chunk of useless plastic and maybe a ribbon or two. Thats what my body was to them a lump of flesh and nothing else. I made sure to look at them I gave them direct eye contact as they left I wanted to memorize every line every, hair, every crease and take it deep inside myself to be buried as if my consciousness was acid breaking it up to be digested . That's all I needed to do is digest this and let it be forgotten.

After that day I was no longer afraid of death I told myself if the opportunity ever presented itself I would welcome death with open arms and let it sway me into the womb of the earth. That's all I really wanted was to sleep and dream of my past or at least what I now had to consider my past. I knew I would never be the same.

The next morning I awoke to the smell of my mothers blueberry pancakes it was a smell that often comforted me but it wasn't enough .I collected myself folded away the corners of my brain that had any trace of what just happened and I placed Far back in the uncharted deeps of my stomach to never be found. I would only know its there ,I knew I couldn't tell my parents as it would tear them apart like it did me they didn't need that. For my my mother has plenty trouble enough being happy already her empty smile has never fooled or persuaded me into thinking that she was even remotely satisfied with her life .My father is oblivious he has so many problems he decides to ignore the ones that probably matter most .As for my sisters they are far to self absorbed and empty to retain anything but themselves .There is no one left even open for consideration to tell I don't long for any ones pity or sympathy.

My mind changed channels back to school I had to get ready one of the hardest things was gathering enough courage to look in the mirror to see myself I felt so very different I pictured I would look it to as if all the intense emotions to happen that had happened to me at once had carved me into a different person when I finally faced the mirror I looked the same except I no longer glowed as I once did.

Every thing looked different transformed less color full like smeared watercolors everything was incoherent. Just blurs the road didn't glimmer the way it used to I remember it used to appear as black oil rivers before me the grass glimmerd and twinkeled with morning dew the smell of fresh cut grass enveloped me; but not now the roads were roads the grass was soggy and uncomfortable and, all i smelt was gasoline from the lawn mower. I stumbled awkwardly to school when I tried to speak my words clumsily collected and swarmed out my throat in jumbles and clusters of confusion. So I didn't speak its as if I was awoken from a coma and had to relearn every step and custom needed to fool people that I was still the happy loving innocent child I once was. And I did I fooled each and every one of them they all said "are you okay something wrong ?"and in a jiffy I would reply "with just dandy". I would force life into my pores and with great strength curve every inch of my mouth into a smile. I lived like this for a good year of my life.Though I am no long bold or hearty enough to call it living.

Then one day I was in biology learning of energy and how it could never be destroyed just converted, so I decided to do that with myself I would recycle back into the earth .I had no need for the energy I was already occupying I thought if those complete strangers could have taken so much from me with out warning why shouldn't I be able to take what is mine my life. In a way I had already died a bounty of life and energy has faded from me like a lamp left on to long I had fluttered out into the seems of the earth to be swallowed and converted into something else .

I hope my energy had been use full had significance as it dwindled away. I think now even if I had the chance swoop up and catch it I wouldn't have. I think that I made the clouds dance that day that every pigment in the sky that appeared before me was my doing a little piece of me .That hopefully that image stayed in the mind of another child so they could have one more reason to find this world as beautiful as I once did.

Because frankly this world the thought of living in it makes my skin coil and shake into rivets of pain and agony I'm constantly screaming even if no one can hear me even if there silenced and in place of a gouging mouth there is a strategically planned smile folded on the corners of my lips the screams are still there fogging my thoughts'.I know im no longer suppose to live for I have no thoughts of any ones pain but myself I'm consumed in my suffering im an oyster.

That's disgust me most of new self I cant think of anything but me and if I do there's a knocking a slight whisperer of that day when I made the clouds dance. I must quiet it and be at peace so I may be recycled into this earth to slip into the grassy coils and roots of trees the very basis of earths life's .

I woke up this morning knowing I wouldn't make it to school ,I ate breakfast savoring the flovors and textures noting the feelings of chewing swallowing I packed theses feelings up and placed them in my pocket I did the same with the image of my mother,father and my sisters.The sounds of theyre voices everything I still fealt connected to I packed them away into my pocket.

I bid my farewells to them,as soon as I fealt as if my love was confirmed I left.There was something diff rent to this morning though with every step I knew I was closer to death and freedom to my old self . I had made it to my destination an abandoned school building it was a rusty shade of red the bricks rough and course to the touch green ivy vines cascaded its borders it to was once filled with life an innocence but now it was empty and lacked purpose I related to this building we shared the same story. I began climbing the stairs to the roof each step was a kiss a newly retrieved memory another piece of myself returned .I sat their on that roof watching the day,the sky I had never witnessed the sky transform all its stages gather and fade all the colors swivel and march before me.

Then it was night I was finally ready as I took my first steps to the edge of the roof a thought occurred I wonder if my mother is okay? A smile hatched on my face willingly I had finally thought of someone besides myself. then a seedling a sense of longing for life knocked on my consciousness I grabbed hold of it wanting it to take me away drag me from the roof to home but as soon as it came it faded that was the hardest part. I couldn't hold onto it. Wth every foot I fell I got even closer to myself all the empty spaces and holes I had been stripped of were filled ,all the energy came back to me it was confusing it was as if the closer I got to death the closer I got to life . Death swayed me into the sky it absorbed every inch of me curled me into a single piece of existence and birthed me into the sky like the stars of the night .I once again made the clouds dance."

A great story.

Very touching.

Thanks Rain!

Coyright and credit goes to Elizabeth Villanueva for this story.